The Washington Post Writers Group

Providing quality content to newspapers, magazines and electronic media worldwide.

JANE HORWITZ - FAMILY FILMGOER

-Click Here For Recent Work

February 1, 2007

``Because I Said So'' (PG-13, 1 hr., 42 min.)

Overaccessorized, overdecorated, overcaffeinated, overcooked and over-cutesyfied, ``Because I Said So'' is an unintentional parody of the condescendingly categorized ``chick flick.'' Even so, this retro story about a meddling mom (Diane Keaton) who plays secret matchmaker for her youngest daughter (Mandy Moore) may entertain romance-minded high-schoolers (mostly girls, for sure). Painfully contrived as it is, the movie is watchable as it holds up a fun-house mirror to that subset of moms and adult daughters who check in with one another hourly by cell phone.

For middle-schoolers, ``Because I Said So'' is too explicit in its discussion of sex. There are numerous oblique but unmistakable references to sexual practices with words like ``downstairs'' in reference to the body, talk of uncircumcised men, a lengthy, though prim discussion of orgasms, and other cruder sexual language. A little boy innocently names male and female sex organs and asks to see a woman's. There are also nonexplicit sexual situations and one character who carries on affairs with two men. The film also contains implied nudity, rare profanity, sounds of sex from a porn Web site, a dog trying to mount an ottoman, and drinking.

Keaton plays Daphne, a divorcee who raised three daughters alone and can't stop trying to run their lives. Two (Piper Perabo and Lauren Graham) are happily married and Daphne, who has never had real romance in her own life, is frantic that her most scattered, hyper child, Milly (Moore), a talented caterer, may never find it either. So Daphne secretly advertises on the Web, interviews respondents at a restaurant, and chooses an impressive but chilly architect (Tom Everett Scott) to ask Milly out. A nice (and gorgeous) musician (Gabriel Macht) at the restaurant chats with Daphne, learns about her project and decides to meet Milly himself. Clueless about her mom's scheme, Milly thrills at having two great guys pursue her. Secrets come out, actors hyperventilate, love triumphs.

--0-- --0-- --0--

``Epic Movie'' (PG-13, 1 hr., 26 min.)

This spoof of Hollywood's recent fantasy hits takes a gimmick and beats it into the ground. ``Epic Movie'' earns a few laughs, but it also grows achingly tedious as it goes through a laundry list, sending up key elements of such films as ``The Da Vinci Code'' (PG-13, 2006), ``Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'' (PG-13, 2006), ``Nacho Libre'' (PG, 2006), ``Snakes on a Plane'' (R, 2006), the ``X-Men'' films (all PG-13s), ``Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'' (PG, 2005), and ``The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'' (PG, 2005). The same filmmakers were behind ``Date Movie'' (PG-13, 2006), which took aim at romantic comedies. The ``Scary Movie'' franchise (some rated R, some PG-13) in the early 2000s began the trend by poking fun at horror flicks.

``Epic Movie'' is almost continually lewd, and many parents will object to it as entertainment for middle-schoolers. High-school and college kids, savvy and ironic in their view of pop culture, are likely to be its main audience. The film overindulges in crude sexual innuendo, often merging into flat-out sexual language. Women in bikinis move suggestively, there are jokes about drugs for erectile dysfunction and others about men mating with goats. Among the edgier images are a dead cat on a serving plate, a woman falling out of a plane and a crazed candy maker (read Willy Wonka) yanking out someone's heart. References to gang violence and drinking, plus toilet humor and middling profanity, are more in PG-13s midrange.

The ``plot'' involves four orphans -- really adults who act like kids -- Edward (Kal Penn), Peter (Adam Campbell), Lucy (Jayma Mays) and Susan (Faune A. Chambers). Each stumbles upon a golden ticket to visit a great candy factory, where the insane candy mogul (Crispin Glover, out-weirding Johnny Depp) aims to cook them. (The dialogue hints he'd like to molest them first.) Lucy hides in a wardrobe that spits her out into a snowy land of man-goat fauns and an evil queen called the White Rhymes-With-Witch (Jennifer Coolidge). Their adventures lead to a pirate ship (Darrell Hammond as a Deppish pirate). And so on, ad nauseum.

P.S. FOR HIGH-SCHOOLERS: If you're interested in what kinds of wackiness made people laugh at the movies when your parents' or grandparents' were young, check out a comedy extravaganza called ``It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World'' (1963), which featured just about every comedian alive at the time. The movie made no sense but was fun anyway. You might also like the colorful travel-adventure comedy, ``Around the World in Eighty Days'' (the 1956 version -- NOT the 2004 Jackie Chan version, rated PG but not very good). The story comes from Jules Verne's classic novel.

--0-- --0-- --0--

BEYOND THE RATINGS GAME

-- 6 AND OLDER:

``Night at the Museum'' PG (Enjoyable, if under-realized and internally illogical romp (live-action with computer-generated effects) about a shlump (Ben Stiller) hired as the night guard at New York's Natural History Museum; his aged predecessors (Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, Bill Cobbs) fail to mention that the exhibits -- a T. rex skeleton, Attila the Hun, Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams, having a bully time), miniature Roman legions, Civil War soldiers and cowboys (Owen Wilson in a cameo) -- come alive each night; he must stave off chaos, keep his job, impress his son (Jake Cherry) and woo a museum guide (Carla Gugino). Little kids may jump at the dinosaur chasing Stiller, the Huns grabbing him; toilet humor; rude expressions.)

-- PG-13s:

``Because I Said So'' (NEW) (Diane Keaton stars as an incredibly meddlesome single mom with three grown daughters who secretly advertises on the Internet to find a mate for her still-single, slightly scattered baby (Mandy Moore) in an overwrought, overdecorated, baldly contrived comedy; the daughter dallies with the snooty architect Mom chooses (Tom Everett Scott) and a cute musician (Gabriel Macht) not on Mom's list. Numerous oblique but unmistakable references to sexual practices; euphemisms clearly referring to female sex organs; talk of uncircumcised men; a lengthy, though nongraphic discussion of orgasms; other cruder sexual language; little boy innocently names male and female organs and asks to see a woman's; nonexplicit sexual situations; female character who juggles affairs with two men; implied nudity; sounds of sex from a porn Web site; rare profanity; a dog trying to mount an ottoman; drinking. Too many nongraphic but adult sexual references for middle-schoolers.)

``Epic Movie'' (NEW) (Occasionally funny, more often laborious spoof of recent fantasy/adventure hits such as ``Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'' (PG-13, 2006), ``Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'' (PG, 2005), ``The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'' (PG, 2005), among many; likely to amuse pop-culture and irony-loving high-school and college kids. Four ``orphans'' played by adults (Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jayma Mays, Faune A. Chambers) acting like kids find golden tickets to visit a candy factory, and after that it's off to a pirate ship and more. Constant crude sexual innuendo, often merging into sexual language; women in bikinis move suggestively; jokes about drugs for erectile dysfunction, about men mating with goats; a dead cat on a plate; a woman falling out of a plane; a crazed candy maker (read Willy Wonka) yanking out someone's heart; hints that he'd like to molest, then kill and cook the ``orphans''; references to gang violence; drinking; toilet humor; snakes; middling profanity. Too lewd for middle-schoolers.)

``Blood and Chocolate'' (NEW) (Visually striking but narratively pallid variation on werewolf tales, filmed in Bucharest, Romania, with stylized rather than graphic violence; a young woman, Vivian (Agnes Bruckner), belongs to a family of ``loup-garous'' or wolf people who leap into the air and morph into real wolves; she lived in America as a child, until her parents were shot by werewolf killers; the leader of the pack (Olivier Martinez) wants Vivian as his next mate. She dislikes the pack's tradition of hunting a human in the woods each full moon for sport, and wants a life outside their circle; she meets a young artist (Hugh Dancy) who makes it seems possible, but her violent cousin (Bryan Dick) and the pack leader aim to destroy the romance. Implied murder by wolf-attack, showing a bloodied body; gunplay, stabbings, fights, some blood; back-view nudity, other hints of nudiy; rare profanity; drinking; suggestive dancing. Not for middle-schoolers.)

``Catch and Release'' (Jennifer Garner in softheaded, contrived romantic comedy decked out in a counterculture aesthetic; she's a young Boulder, Colo., woman grieving for her dead fiance, sharing a house with his quirky/funny pals (Kevin Smith and Sam Jaeger), and furious at his other friend (Timothy Olyphant) whom she disapproves of, until she learns (a) he's not such a bad guy and (b) her fiance had secrets. Fairly graphic sexual situation; other less intense encounters, with a nongraphic lovemaking montage; occasionally crude sexual slang; middling profanity; verbal description of someone's bloody death; attempted suicide with pills, liquor; talk of experimenting with sexual orientation; a little boy stomping a just-caught fish to death (fish is off-camera); unlit joint; drinking. An R-ish PG-13, not for middle-schoolers.)

``Stomp the Yard'' (Oft-corny college saga uplifted by exuberant dancing: a Los Angeles inner-city teen and ace street dancer (Columbus Short) loses his brother in a brawl and is sent, still grieving, to live with Atlanta relatives; he enters a historically black university and works part-time; snobby students look down on him; he enters the fraternities' big ``stepping'' competition (synchronized dance inspired by African gumboot dancing) and aims to impress a girl (Meagan Good), overcome the dislike of her provost dad (Allan Louis) and defeat her arrogant boyfriend (Darrin Henson). Fatal shooting; midrange profanity; racial slurs; implied overnight tryst between college students, suggestive dancing by girls, rapper-style crotch-grabbing by guys, shots of young women's jeans-clad behinds. Too much swearing, macho posturing for middle-schoolers.)

``Dreamgirls'' (Fun, high-gloss, well-sung, long-awaited film adaptation of 1981 Broadway hit musical about the tempestuous rise of a 1960s girl group much like the Supremes; Beyonce Knowles as the pretty Deena; terrific Jennifer Hudson as the talented, temperamental Effie; Jamie Foxx as their machiavellian manager; Eddie Murphy as the eccentric soul singer who first hires them; cultural history of the era neatly woven in. Drug abuse; implied extramarital affairs; unwed motherhood; male singer strips to his skivvies; mildish profanity, mostly the S-word. OK for most teens, but likely to attract musical theater buffs and ``American Idol''-ators eager to see one-time losing contestant Hudson triumph.)

``The Pursuit of Happyness'' (Fine, refreshingly un-Hollywood film takes hard look at living one paycheck away from the street; Will Smith as a down-on-his-luck family man scrambling to get out of debt and into a real job in San Francisco, circa 1981; Smith's real son Jaden, a charmer, plays his film son, with Thandie Newton as the despondent wife who leaves them; loosely based on entrepreneur Chris Gardner's life. Rare profanity, including the F-word as a graffito and spoken by a child; smoking; a disintegrating marriage; selling blood for cash; father and son spend nights in a homeless shelter, a subway restroom; shoving, shouting but no real violence. Teens.)

-- R's:

``Smokin' Aces'' (Cleverly constructed, fresh and frenetic feds-versus-the-Mob caper with dense narrative and dialogue, but a disappointing final payoff. Two FBI agents (Ryan Reynolds and Ray Liotta) lead an operation to save a mob-connected Las Vegas entertainer (Jeremy Piven) from an array of hit men and women (including Alicia Keys) and bail bondsmen (led by Ben Affleck) so he can turn state's evidence; the FBI boss (Andy Garcia) desperately wants the guy. Point-blank automatic weapons mayhem with much spattered blood; a man's bloodied hand with his fingers shot off; flashbacks to a mobster torturing a man hanging naked (a back view); scantily clad, occasionally topless women portraying prostitutes; very strong profanity; crude sexual slang; racial and homophobic slurs; cocaine use; drinking. 17 and older.)

``The Hitcher'' (Uninspired, so-what remake of 1986 horror-slasher hit (same title, also an R), playing on our fears of strangers, set against desolate stretches of western highway; a college couple (Sophia Bush and Zachary Knighton) narrowly avoid hitting a man (Sean Bean) on the road at night (in the rain, natch), then encounter him at a gas station and agree, guiltily, to give him a ride; they learn too late he is a serial killer intent on framing them. Bloody crime scenes show gun, knife victims with slit throats, spurting arteries; child victims strongly implied but not shown in scene about a murdered family; strong implication that a victim chained between two trucks is pulled apart; jackrabbit smashed by car in first scene; huge crashes; strong profanity, sexual language; affectionate, nonsexual shower scene; implied nudity. 17 and older.)