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JANE HORWITZ - FAMILY FILMGOER

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April 26, 2007

``The Condemned'' (R, 1 hr., 53 min.)

Talk about cynical showbiz exploitation! This bone-cracking, bloodletting action flick (it is barely a movie, really) dares to inject a sanctimonious sermon near the end about the sleazy nature of reality shows -- the people who produce them and those who watch them -- while at the same time telling an ultraviolent tale about taking that very genre to its extreme. That is, plucking 10 death row inmates from around the world -- 8 men and 2 women -- and letting them loose on an island to kill one another, offering freedom to the winner. Cameras catch the mayhem and stream it live on the Internet, viewable for $49.95. Despite the presence of wrestling legend Steve Austin (not a bad actor), the violence in ``The Condemned'' looks far uglier than a WWE match and is dubious fare for teens under 17. It portrays knifings, point-blank shootings, leg-breaking fights, implied rape and torture and people getting blown up. Add to the mix profanity, ethnic slurs, milder sexual innuendo, drinking and smoking.

Austin plays Jack Conrad, a huge, bull-necked American taken from a Central American prison and sent to the island. He's a seemingly decent guy with a secret past. His nemesis proves to be a British killer (Vinnie Jones) with no conscience. But the slimiest dude is the producer (Rick Hoffman) of the reality show who just salivates for Web hits.

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``In the Land of Women'' (PG-13, 1 hr., 38 min.)

A 26-year-old writer (Adam Brody) nursing a broken heart comes to Michigan from Los Angeles to stay with his ailing, prickly grandmother (Olympia Dukakis) and tries to get his life in order. He meets the unhappy, pampered housewife (Meg Ryan) across the street, her angry, insecure teen daughter (Kristen Stewart) and her perceptive preteen girl (Makenzie Vega). The complicated friendship tinged with romance that fuels ``In the Land of Women'' offers a few moving encounters, but also a lot of New Age-y, let's ``live in the moment'' scenes that feel preachy and false. Ryan looks cosmetically puffy and emotionally pained as a woman facing twin crises of health and family. High-school girls who enjoy character and dialogue-rich stories may find some satisfying sentiment in the movie. The movie deals with marital infidelity and the prospect of a parent dying as well as teen smoking and teen sexual insecurities. The dialogue includes middling profanity, sexual innuendo and a homophobic slur as well as drug references. There are a couple of passionate kissing scenes and a flashback lovemaking scene that is stylized and not explicit.

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``Vacancy'' (R, 1 hr., 20 min.)

David and Amy Fox (Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale), a couple on the verge of divorce and still grieving over the loss of a child, are stranded with car trouble at a seedy, better-sleep-with-the-lights-on motel. They come to realize the mild-seeming manager (Frank Whaley) is running a murder factory and they are trapped. Guests are terrorized and killed by him and his cohorts, who capture the action on video and edit it into ``snuff'' films. For 80-plus minutes in this well-acted, deliberately claustrophobic thriller, which plays out as alternately intriguing and distasteful, David and Amy try to outsmart the killers. ``Vacancy'' is best geared to those 17 and older, based on its grim premise alone. While the violence is not remarkably gory, the encounters on the ``snuff'' videos and in the more immediate confrontations are intense and bloody, with stabbings, shootings, sweaty tunnel chases, a car crash, and the screams of victims on the videos. The film contains partial nudity and implications of rape in the ``snuff'' videos. Other elements include rats, strong profanity, and a crude sexist remark.

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``Hot Fuzz`` (R, 2 hrs., 1 min.)

From the funny Brits who gave us the joyfully tasteless zombie spoof, ``Shaun of the Dead'' (R, 2004) comes ``Hot Fuzz,'' a sendup of cop buddy pictures. While not as nonstop hilarious as ``Shaun'' and a good 20 minutes too long, ``Hot Fuzz'' is nevertheless deliciously droll for most of its two hours. Its sly satire and old-movie references will amuse college kids, and the film is more appropriate for them than high-schoolers, anyway. ``Hot Fuzz'' includes graphic images of violence, albeit comedically intended, with severed heads, charred and decaying corpses, rats, bloody crime scenes, stabbings, shootings, and someone's head squished by the toppled tip of a church steeple. There is a huge (and endless) gun battle, during which a child is briefly taken hostage. The dialogue includes extra-crude sexist slang, strong profanity, an ethnic slur, drug references and toilet humor. Characters smoke, and drink -- including teens.

Sergeant Angel (Simon Pegg, who co-wrote the film) is such an obsessive, by-the-book London cop that his colleagues can't stand him. He's transferred to a picturesque village where the few cops do little but eat cake. Angel suspects recent deaths in the town were not accidents, but he can't convince his clueless new partner (Nick Frost) or anyone else.

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BEYOND THE RATINGS GAME

-- OK FOR 6 AND OLDER:

``Meet the Robinsons" G (Gorgeous computer-animated feature (shown in crisp, colorful, non-scary 3-D at some theaters) celebrates imagination, individuality, and finding a new family when you don't have one of your own in tale of bespectacled boy inventor, Lewis; a 12-year-old orphan eager to find his real mom, Lewis invents a ``memory scanner"; Wilbur Robinson, a boy from the future, shows up at Lewis' science fair and takes Lewis to meet the riotously eccentric Robinson clan in their cheery art deco-style future. Baby abandoned on orphanage step; serious theme handled humorously shows how childhood loneliness, sadness, failure can stalk us through life; ``Bowler Hat Guy" villain wears a hat that sprouts metal legs, chases folks; Lewis and Wilbur crash a time machine; rude taunts ``puke-face" and ``booger-breath"; dinosaur topiary comes to life, chases more folks.)

-- OK FOR 8 AND OLDER:

``Are We Done Yet?" PG (Less crass, more amusing sequel to Ice Cube's 2005 comedy ``Are We There Yet?" (PG, but deserved a PG-13); still acting within a narrow range (from annoyance to anger and back), Cube plays sports writer/entrepreneur Nick, now married to Suzanne (Nia Long), the divorcee he pursued in the first film; with her and his new stepkids (Aleisha Allen and Philip Daniel Bolden, less irritating than in the first film) he moves into a house that needs major repairs; John C. McGinley is Nick's over-the-top foil as the ever-present real estate guy/contractor. Mild sexual innuendo; chaste romance between 13-year-old girl and a slightly older boy; comic scenes with deer and raccoons acting crazy; bats swarm; owl swoops to grab a chipmunk; pigeon shot dead (off-camera) by a nail gun; huge fish pulls a child under water (a quick rescue); toilet humor; view of ``plumber's butt.")

-- PG-13s OF VARYING INTENSITY:

``In the Land of Women" (NEW) (A young writer (Adam Brody) suffering from a broken heart visits his cranky, frail grandmother (Olympia Dukakis) in Michigan and strikes up a fraught friendship (laced with romance) with the unhappy housewife (Meg Ryan) across the street, her angry, insecure teen daughter (Kristen Stewart) and her perceptive younger girl (Makenzie Vega); the mother's twin crises of health and family move him and somehow they help one another in occasionally moving drama, marred by too many New Age-y let's ``live in the moment" speeches. Themes deal with marital infidelity, fears that a parent will die, teen sexual insecurities; middling profanity; mild sexual innuendo; homophobic slur; drug reference; passionate kissing scenes; lovemaking flashback is stylized, nonexplicit. High-schoolers who like character, sentiment in their stories.)

``Disturbia" (Exploitative thriller awkwardly mixes dark, violent R-ish themes with more PG-13-ish teen romance; Shia LaBeouf stars as a troubled kid grieving for his father (who dies in a car accident shown in an upsetting prologue); he socks a teacher and gets three months' house arrest, complete with electronic ankle bracelet; bored, he starts spying on neighbors with the cute new girl next door (Sarah Roemer) and his pal (Aaron Yoo); they suspect one man (David Morse) of being a serial killer. Female victims shown wrapped in plastic; hints of the killer at work -- screams, blood spattering; understated sexual innuendo and implied teen longing; steamy kisses; lascivious shots of girls in bikinis and of a young woman undressing with her back to the lens; no nudity, but seen through the eyes of the voyeuristic teen protagonist; two little boys secretly watch a lewd video showing topless women covered in whipped cream; infidelity theme; barnyard profanity; drug reference. Not for middle-schoolers.)

``Blades of Glory" (Rude, riotous farce about figure skating rivals Chazz (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy (Jon Heder), banned from competition for public scuffling; three years later, a stalker-fan (Nick Swardson) and a veteran coach (Craig T. Nelson) note a loophole that would let the two compete as the first male/male duo. Constant R-ish verbal, visual sex jokes go beyond innuendo: crotch gags; references to Chazz's ``sex addiction" (he attends a lascivious support group, claims he had an affair with a 35-year-old woman when he was 9); much gay (at times homophobic) humor; a towel worn dangerously low; drinking; talk of drug use; adoption spoof; incest joke; death threat; ice stunt video ending in bloody accidental decapitation; profanity; toilet humor. Not for middle-schoolers.)

-- R's:

``The Condemned" (NEW) (Exploitative, ultraviolent action flick inserts a sanctimonious sermon near the end, challenging ethics of those who produce and watch reality TV's ``voted-off-the-island"-style competitions -- while it takes that very genre to its grotesque limit; likable wrestling icon Steve Austin stars as the mysterious decent guy among 10 death row inmates (eight men and two women) from around the world, dropped on a south sea island to fight one another, with the survivor promised freedom; his nemesis is a brutish Brit (Vinnie Jones), but the true villain is the slimy producer (Rick Hoffman) who streams the video'd mayhem live on the Web at $49.95 a pop. Knifings; point-blank shootings; leg-breaking fights; implied rape; torture; people blown up; profanity; harsh ethnic slurs; milder sexual innuendo; drinking; smoking. Not for under-17s.)

``Vacancy" (NEW) (Well-acted, deliberately claustrophobic thriller plays out as alternately intriguing and distasteful, with lurid tale of an estranged couple (Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale) stranded by car trouble at a seedy motel, where they realize the mild clerk (Frank Whaley) and a few cohorts torture and kill ``guests," recording the mayhem on hidden cameras as fodder for ``snuff" films; the couple, grieving for a child and headed for divorce, must team up to survive. Film's premise is grimly adult, but violence is not exceptionally gory; videos and film's more immediate face-offs are intense and bloody: victims' screams, stabbings, shootings, sweaty tunnel chases, a car crash; partial nudity; hints of rape in the ``snuff" videos; rats, strong profanity; crude sexist remark. Not for under-17s.)

``Hot Fuzz" (NEW) (Super-droll, if overlong British comedy pokes sly fun at American cop pictures and English country life; a by-the-book London cop (Simon Pegg), disliked by his lazier colleagues, is transferred to a country village, where he comes to suspect a spate of deaths are not ``accidental"; he can't convince his clueless new partner (Nick Frost) or any other cake-eating cop in town. Comedic but graphic images of violence: severed heads, charred and decaying corpses, rats, bloody crime scenes, stabbings, shootings, someone's head demolished by a toppled church steeple; a huge, endless gun battle; child briefly taken hostage; very crude sexist slang; strong profanity; ethnic slur; drug references; toilet humor; smoking; drinking, including teen drinkers. More for college kids.)

``Fracture" (Thriller starts out glitzy, superficial, but gains gravitas and becomes an intriguing morality tale; Anthony Hopkins steals the picture as a cold aeronautics executive (though more human and less clever than his iconic Hannibal Lecter) who shoots his unfaithful wife (Embeth Davidtz) and seems to confess; the hotshot assistant district attorney (Ryan Gosling) assigned to prosecute him soon sees all the evidence melt away; he must decide whether to pursue justice or decamp to a fancy law firm. Understated compared to many R-rated films: stylized gun violence, not hugely graphic but with much blood; stylized, nongraphic lovemaking scene; midrange profanity; semi-crude sexual language; milder sexual innuendo; toilet humor; drinking. OK for high-schoolers.)

``The TV Set" (LIMITED RELEASE) (Smart, sardonically funny spoof of how TV pilots are made and artists' visions dumbed down -- a cautionary tale that applauds idealism; David Duchovny stars as creator of a new sitcom based partly on memories of a family suicide; Sigourney Weaver as the TV exec who junks the suicide theme and hires the worst possible actor (Fran Kranz) for the lead; Ioan Gruffudd as her BBC-bred assistant who tries to save the writer's vision, but gets co-opted, too. Strong profanity; milder sexual innuendo, sexual language; drinking; abuse of painkillers; a marijuana moment. Showbiz savvy teens 16 and older.)