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``Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End'' (PG-13, 2 hrs., 47 min.)
The third time is not the charm in this case, me hearties. Clocking in at nearly three hours of overextended, special effects-laden semi-chaos, ``Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End'' is for the most part a crashing bore. That noted, it will no doubt draw teen audiences as pirates to treasure. For despite the confusing plot-o'-nine tales and stretches of tedium, this third and longest chapter of the Pirates trilogy (after ``Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl," 2003, and ``Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest,'' 2006, also PG-13s) has its stellar moments. When its actors get to do their pirate and/or villain thing front and center, it comes alive, if briefly.
The violence in ``... At World's End," though comically stylized, pushes the edge of the PG-13 rating, making the movie an iffy choice for middle-schoolers (and 'tweens) of gentler sensibilities. Opening scenes show grim mass hangings of pirates and other scruffy ne'er-do-wells -- including a boy; we see nooses put around their necks, then their feet falling through trap doors, followed by the sight of bodies piled and carted off. Characters are run through with swords and once or twice shot point-blank in the forehead. During a stretch in the icy Antarctic, when pirate Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), along with callow lovers Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) -- or maybe they aren't in that scene; who can remember? -- seeks to rescue pirate legend Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones' (Bill Nighy, with that squid face) Locker, one crewman breaks off a frostbitten big toe. And there is Ragetti (Mackenzie Crook), the sailor who keeps losing his glass eye, which Barbossa licks and pops back in for him. And there are all those creepy fish-headed people -- former pirates caught in Davy Jones' purgatory. There are sea battles with bodies falling into the brine amid cannon fire, and harrowing images of ships plummeting over waterfalls or whirling in a maelstrom. Sparrow, while stranded between life and death in Davy Jones' Locker, hallucinates. The PG-13 also reflects mild sexual innuendo, occasional mild profanity and the drinking of rum. The whole trilogy deals with the specter of death and the nature of people to betray one another.
Geoffrey Rush's growling, sunbaked Barbossa (everyone has blotchy skin, bloodshot eyes and rotten teeth here) is more fun this time than Depp's Sparrow, who has become a caricature of a caricature. The plot is hopeless, but know that Sparrow must be retrieved from the dead so pirate leaders can hold a G-8-style summit and decide how to stop Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) of the British East India Company from wiping them out.
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``Bug" (R, 1 hr., 42 min.)
``Bug" is based on a much-praised off-Broadway play by Tracy Letts, but that is also where the trouble lies. While the characters' histrionics and paranoia might have seemed metaphorical on stage -- an abused woman and the men who browbeat (and hit) her as symbols of an America led astray by a violent, patriarchal culture -- the film feels claustrophobic and thuddingly literal, a voyeuristic peek at people going mad. Though bravely acted by stars Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon and Harry Connick Jr., ``Bug" becomes so lurid and in-your-face under director William Friedkin's magnifying lens that the urge to run screaming into the lobby is intense. Not for anyone under 17, ``Bug" depicts a gory knife murder and bloody self-mutilations that involve a tooth extraction and characters who scratch their skin raw in the belief they are infested with bugs. The movie also portrays a double suicide. It shows male and female nudity and includes an explicit sexual situation, drug abuse, drinking and smoking. The script also contains strong profanity, homophobic slurs, and an upsetting verbal recollection about losing a child to a kidnapper.
Judd plays Agnes, a waitress in a small Western town. Sad and lonely, she drinks, gets high and lives in fear that her abusive ex (Harry Connick Jr.) will get out of prison and reappear, which he does, briefly. A friend (Lynn Collins) introduces Agnes to a new guy (Michael Shannon) who seems sweet at first. But he is damaged goods and in her hunger for love, Agnes joins him in his devastating mental illness.
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BEYOND THE RATINGS GAME
-- OK FOR KIDS 6 AND OLDER:
``Shrek the Third" PG (Deliriously droll sequel to computer-animated hits ``Shrek" (PG, 2001) and ``Shrek 2" (PG, 2004) keeps the medieval fairy-tale romp and thinly disguised spoofing of Hollywood afloat -- irreverent, inventive, with gentle messages about being responsible, making peace; chosen by his dying father-in-law, King Harold the frog (voice of John Cleese), to rule Far Far Away, Shrek (Mike Myers) cringes at prospects of being a king and a new dad; he, Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss In Boots (Antonio Banderas) go off to find a teen (Justin Timberlake) who's next in line for the throne; evil Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) and his minions invade Far Far Away on broomsticks (briefly scary image) to take the throne, holding Shrek's ogre wife, Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz), Snow White (Amy Poehler), Sleeping Beauty (Cheri Oteri), Cinderella (Amy Sedaris) and Queen Lillian (Julie Andrews) hostage; Charming's buffoonishness makes him non-scary. Gross humor; verbal hint that someone's tunic doesn't cover essentials; alcohol reference; hint that two teens get high on incense; mild sexual innuendo; threat to kill Shrek; fights; a stabbing quickly shown to be harmless; trees smack people; Cyclops; ugly stepsister (Larry King) seems transgendered.
-- PG-13s OF VARYING INTENSITY:
``Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (NEW) (Overextended, special effects-laden, chaotic sequel with incomprehensible plot-o'-nine-tales is mostly a bore, but will draw teens; tedium is interspersed with moments when stars do their pirate/villain thing to great, droll effect; gist of this chapter is the efforts of pirate captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), and callow lovers Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and Will (Orlando Bloom), to rescue pirate reprobate Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, by now doing a caricature of his caricature) from Davy Jones' (Bill Nighy with the squid face) purgatory, so pirate leaders can hold a summit about Lord Beckett's (Tom Hollander) efforts to wipe them out. Comically stylized violence still has harrowing images, pushes PG-13 envelope: mass hangings of pirates -- including a boy -- with nooses put around their necks, feet falling through trap doors, bodies carted off; characters run through with swords, shot in forehead; bodies falling into the brine amid cannon fire; ships plummeting over waterfalls or into a maelstrom; stranded between life and death in Davy Jones' Locker, Sparrow hallucinates; gross images include someone breaking off a frostbitten toe; a doofus sailor (Mackenzie Crook) who keeps losing his glass eye, which Barbossa licks and pops back in for him; creepy fish-headed former pirates caught in Davy Jones' thrall; mild sexual innuendo; occasional mild profanity; drinking; themes about death, betrayal. Iffy choice for middle-schoolers and 'tweens with gentler sensibilities.)
``Away from Her" (NEW; LIMITED RELEASE) (Julie Christie is luminous as Fiona, a woman gradually diminished by Alzheimer's; based on Alice Munro's short story, ``The Bear Came Over the Mountain," film examines the pain, sadness she and her husband (Gordon Pinsent) feel when moving her into a care facility; Canadian actress Sarah Polley wrote and directed in a spare, arresting style; Michael Murphy as a patient Fiona befriends; Olympia Dukakis as patient's matter-of-fact wife. Rare strong profanity; gently implied sexual situations; mild sexual innuendo; adultery theme; smoking; drinking. Not for middle-schoolers; too slow, quiet for most high-schoolers.)
``Waitress" (LIMITED RELEASE) (Winning romantic comedy hovers near too-cute, but rarely steps over the line; Keri Russell glows as Jenna, a ``genius" pie baker at a diner, her life a misery due to a jealous, sometimes violent husband (Jeremy Sisto); news she's pregnant makes her feel doubly trapped, her woes vented in plaintive letters to her unborn child and in naming pies -- i.e. the I Hate My Husband Pie; she and her smitten gynecologist (Nathan Fillion) share a passionate attraction that confuses her; Cheryl Hines and Adrienne Shelly (the late Shelly also wrote and directed) as waitress pals; Andy Griffith as the cranky diner owner. One graphic sexual situation, other steamy, nonexplicit sexual ones; spousal abuse theme; adultery theme. Not for middle-schoolers.)
``Delta Farce" (Low-rent comedy fueled by mild but insidious ethnic and homophobic stereotypes and slurs; redneck comics Larry the Cable Guy and Bill Engvall, with spindly character actor DJ Qualls, star as three doofuses who use their weekends in the National Guard to goof off; a tough sergeant (Keith David) trains them for a tour in Iraq, but a transport plane accidentally dumps them in the Mexican desert, which they mistake for Iraq long after hearing Spanish spoken; they become local heroes, helping villagers expel criminals. Weaponsfire; fighting; profanity; crude language; sexual innuendo; toilet humor; drinking. Not for middle-schoolers.)
``Spider-Man 3" (Overlong third film turns eloquent soul-searching of ``Spider-Man 2" (PG-13, 2004) into lugubrious, pseudo-spiritual piffle; Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) is so caught up in his Spiderman persona's fame, he fails to notice Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) has acting career problems; headed for a fall, he must face enemies: his estranged pal Harry (James Franco) as the blade-slinging New Goblin; the shape-shifting monster Sandman (Thomas Haden Church) who, in human form, is the escaped convict who killed Peter's Uncle Ben (Cliff Robertson); the lizard-toothed Venom (Topher Grace), in human form the cocky schemer who wants Peter's photo gig at the Daily Bugle; and the slithery alien whatsits that infect Peter and turn him bad. Non-gory violence includes high-flying, blade-hurling battles; one character impaled, another shot; sad flashbacks of Uncle Ben's murder; Sandman turns into a cloud billowing down a street, an echo of 9/11; mild sexual innuendo; drinking; smoking. Too slow, somber for some younger teens; high-schoolers may squirm, snicker at times.)
``Disturbia" (Exploitative, cynical mix of dark, violent R-ish themes with PG-13 teen romance; Shia LaBeouf as a troubled kid grieving for his father (who dies in a car accident in the upsetting prologue); he socks a teacher and gets house arrest, complete with electronic ankle bracelet; he starts spying on neighbors with his pal (Aaron Yoo) and the new girl-next-door (Sarah Roemer); they suspect a man (David Morse) of serial murder. Female victims shown wrapped in plastic; hints of the crimes -- screams, blood; implied teen longing, understated sexual innuendo; steamy kisses; shots of girls in bikinis, a young woman undressing (her back to the lens) -- no nudity, but from voyeuristic teen's point of view; little boys watch a lewd video showing topless women covered in whipped cream; infidelity theme; profanity; drug reference. Not for middle-schoolers.)
-- R's:
``Bug" (NEW) (Claustrophobic drama about two lovers' descent into insanity make you want to run screaming into the lobby; based on Tracy Letts' lauded off-Broadway play, film feels thuddingly literal, lacking a play's metaphorical power; brave acting can't save it; Ashley Judd stars as a down-and-out waitress who smokes, drinks, gets high, lives in fear her ex (Harry Connick Jr.) will get out of jail and seek her out; he does, briefly; a new guy (Michael Shannon) appears, seems nice, but turns out to be crazy; she lets him stay anyway and follows him into the abyss -- an obsession that their bodies are infested by bugs. Gory knife murder; bloody self-mutilations, including a tooth extraction; double suicide; woman getting punched; male and female nudity; explicit sexual situation; drug abuse; drinking; smoking; strong profanity; homophobic slurs; verbal recollection about a child's disappearance. No one under 17.)
``28 Weeks Later" (Bloody but highly evocative, character-rich British horror flick -- sequel to ``28 Days Later ..." (R, 2002 -- creates stinging metaphors for war, genocide; in aftermath of a pandemic that transformed people into raging, flesh-eating predators, a U.S.-led NATO force has occupied Britain, creating a ``Green Zone" for uninfected survivors; a man (Robert Carlyle) abandons his wife (Catherine McCormack) when they're attacked by infected zombie hordes, then lies about it to his kids (Imogen Poots, Mackintosh Muggleton); a new outbreak sparks military slaughter of innocents, but a medical officer (Rose Byrne) and an AWOL sniper (Jeremy Renner) help the two kids. Bloody mayhem; fire bombing; chemical weapons deaths; strong profanity, sexual language; implied nudity. Too doomsday for under-17s.)
``Georgia Rule" (Lindsay Lohan in uneven but intermittently strong comedy-drama about Rachel (Lohan), a snarky, sex-obsessed older teen in skimpy clothes and chunky bracelets, spending a pre-college summer with her grandmother Georgia (Jane Fonda), whose rules she ignores; when Rachel needs our sympathy, it's tough to give because she's so obnoxious; scenes between Georgia and Rachel's alcoholic mom (Felicity Huffman) crackle; film has many such gems, but Lohan's flouncy angst dims them. A mild R, but with extensive verbal discussion of childhood sexual molestation as a key theme; alcoholism; references to teen drug use, promiscuity, lying; beginnings of implied sexual situations; strong profanity; crude sexual language; some may object to a comically pious portrayal of Mormons. Older high-schoolers.)
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